Some years back I wrote a poem about swine flu – since when we have had SARS and now have coronavirus.
You might like my updated version of “Pandemic Polemic” as a bit of light relief from the horrid issues of climate change and parking.
My latest book “The Doctor’s Doggerel: an anthology of wry verse” is now available through Amazon. It contains the original swine flu poem and others – mostly mine, but with a leavening from the patients with whom I enjoyed sharing a love of poetry of the comic kind.
Better hunker in your bunker, for Corona’s here today,
Do not try to take an aeroplane, they’ll turn you all away;
Wear a mask to catch the sneezes though not much good will it do,
And send a friend or neighbour for a cold compress or two.
Better listen to the experts, they will tell you how to cope
Although as messages conflict you really haven’t got a hope,
So panic, panic, panic – try to remember why
If you sweat up in a fever you are surely going to die.
If you’re pregnant try to miss out on the rush hour on the bus
For you do not want to run the risk of catching it from us;
And you cannot have the vaccine they’ve developed for the flu
For what it does to foetuses we haven’t got a clue.
Do not come into Casualty with “query dose of flu”
As the last thing that the doctors want is catching it from you;
Wash your hands and smear them with that antiseptic goo;
Sneeze only in a tissue and then flush it down the loo.
And stock up with provisions for a month or maybe three
(You can order them from Tesco, and delivery is free)
But for most of us, especially the able and the old
Coronavirus symptoms won’t be
Image Credits: Kenneth Bird .