This hilarious play, written by Dilys Mayor and performed out of doors in front of the Ypres Tower over the Bank Holiday weekend, opened with a secret meeting of just the male town councillors, all called Breeds. Mayor Breeds informed them that Bother District Council had decided to cut Rye loose, sick of their constant complaints about car parking, rubbish collection and the proliferation of holiday homes (sound familiar?). From now on, Rye would have to go it alone and manage all its services itself. The discussion was overheard by a “cleaner” who informed all the women town councillors. Then the town’s water supply was cut off. The male councillors arranged to meet for coffee the following morning but were unable to think of anything practical to do. The lady councillors then arrived and suggested that they could mobilise the volunteer organisations, all run by ladies, to help. The councillors agreed to meet at the town hall.
Fortunately the “cleaner” revealed that she was in fact Lady Hamilton of Camber and entitled by ancient right to sit on the council without election. She had a solution – to bring in Ma-Rye Poppins. Ma-Rye arrived with her trusty umbrella and suggested that a rendition of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” and “A spoonful of sugar” would help the situation and she led the councillors in song. Afterwards she immediately sorted out the problems with the proliferation of four wheel drive cars and seagull .. ahem.. deposits.
For the major issues affecting the local community Ma-Rye recommended outsourcing the running of the town to an independent company who would manage that task. The councillors would still retain a ceremonial role and be able to dress up in fancy costumes, but would have to do very little real work. The High Street would be pedestrianised, the existing car parks made into public gardens with litter collections every 15 minutes, and a park and ride facility would be available to bring townsfolk and visitors into Rye. The councillors eagerly accepted the plan, only to find out that the independent company concerned was actually Walt Disney and that Lady Hamilton was in fact a scout, searching for suitable locations for new Disneylands. So will Rye turn into a theme park? Watch this space.