Dear Southern Water,
Isn’t the English language a wonderful thing? It allows me to address you in the conventional way, but without any danger of implying affection or respect. No, when I use the term “dear”, it is with an entirely different meaning, with which your customers will be entirely familiar, I’m sure. But anyway, I digress before I have even started.
I am writing to thank you for your most recent email, in the form of a newsletter to inform me of all the improvements you are making. It is so heartening to hear that your investment will lead to fewer “outages” to my supply. I am surprised that I don’t get more messages like this from other providers of essential services. My doctors could let me know they are working towards fewer critical misdiagnoses, or airlines could let us know they are trying really hard to ensure their aircraft do not fall unexpectedly out of the sky.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am entirely sympathetic to the adverse circumstances in which you are operating. It must have come as a terrible surprise that years of failing to invest in the upkeep of the infrastructure have led to water leaking out everywhere. No-one could expect you to have predicted that, and to make matters worse, you have another problem, entirely out of your control, and that is the failure of rain to fall in an organised manner.
I’d like to thank you for the very informative graph showing the recent rainfall in the Hastings area. First it’s less than usual, then it’s more! Who would have believed that the English weather could be so variable? Of course you couldn’t be expected to take account of that and ensure that a lot of rainfall in a short period doesn’t lead to polluted water spilling out into our rivers and seas.
Finally, I won’t even mention the disastrous spillage of bio-beads which were then washed up onto our beaches. After all, your newsletter didn’t, which either means you don’t think it is important or that you hope we will all forget about it, now that the fuss has died down. Of course, it could happen to anyone. We all make mistakes, and while some are bigger than others yours are all entirely understandable in some parallel universe, I’m sure.
I eagerly anticipate your next newsletter, as I am a great fan of all kinds of fiction. I am less keen on the communications that tell me my bill is to rise by an extraordinary amount, so please don’t send any more of those.
Very best wishes,
A not very satisfied customer
Notes:
Southern Water bills increased by an average of 47% from April 2025 for water and waste customers.
There will be a further 8% rise in April 2026.
In 2019 Ofwat fined Southern Water a total of £126 million for multiple illegal discharges of wastewater into the environment and deliberate misreporting of performance indicators.
In July 2021, there was a further £90 million fine after Southern Water pleaded guilty to thousands of illegal discharges of sewage into rivers and coastal waters in Kent, Hampshire and Sussex between 2010 – 2015. This followed what was at that time the largest criminal investigation in the Environment Agency’s 25-year history.
Since August 2021, an Australian financial services company, the Macquarie Group, has held a majority stake in the company.
In September/October 2023, many residents of Rye, Winchelsea and Camber were without water for nine days.
In November 2025, millions of plastic bio-beads were released from Southern Water’s Eastbourne treatment works, contaminating Camber beach and other areas of the coast. This was extensively reported in Rye News.
You can read about Southern Water’s environmental impact on the Surfers Against Sewage website:
Image Credits: Kt Bruce .